Just my so called life
by Lily Witchcraft
Summary: Damn you Sirius Black for dragging me into this situation…damn you James Potter for just being as much of a victim as I am.


_**Hey HP addicts! =)**_

_**I hope you all had a nice start into 2010. This is another Oneshot about Lily and James and I have to say a few things before you start reading:**_

_**1) I know it´s not perfect**_

_**2) I know that there will probably be some grammar and spelling flaws because English still isn´t my mother tongue.**_

_**3) Please be forbearing. **_

_**4) I´m free spoken to read helpful critics. And yes, I could still need a beta. ;-)**_

_**5) Now, If you aren´t scared away already…GO ON AND READ! **_

Summary: Damn you Sirius Black for dragging me into this situation…damn you James Potter for just being as much of a victim as I am.

_**Disclaimer:**__ All publicly recognisable characters and places from Harry Potter are the property of J.K. Rowling. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purpose and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. _(I think that cleared up some things. ;-) )

It´s past curfew and I´m still wandering through the quiet and dark castle. Usually, I´m the last person you would find out of the Gryffindor common room that late at night, but my stupid boyfriend…well scratch that, now ex-boyfriend had the need to tell me that we´re over at half past midnight at the black lake under the romantic light of the full moon…I just want to get back to my dormitory, hide in my bed and cry in my pillow…

I have to stop sobbing this instant…the sounds I make are echoing from the stone walls and it actually sounds almost as pathetic as Moaning Myrtles crying…I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand, so that I have a bit of a clearer vision…everything is quiet blurry if you see it through a film of salt water…I´m hurrying through dark corridors and have to admit that I´m kind of lost…Great! How can this night get any better…

…I shouldn´t have asked…I just literally stumbled into my two least favourite people…Sirius Black and James Potter. Isn´t it enough that I have to see them all day long, Potter even more often because we´re Head Students. Yes, you heard me right. James Potter is Head Boy…trust me I couldn´t believe it myself.

I always thought that Dumbledore is a qualified wizard.

I believed in God.

I believed in justice

I thought that Remus would be Head Boy.

I thought it would be a gratification to become Head Girl.

I believed only exemplary students could become heads.

And NOT James Potter, who´s only an exemplary for mischief-makers.

So much about Dumbledores sanity.

Ouch, that hurt…maybe I just stay lying flat on my back, shut my eyes and hope that this whole day was just a nightmare…but when I didn´t get up immediately Potter seemed concerned about my well-being.

"Oh, sorry Evans…did you hurt yourself?"

"Nope, I´m fine…you know me…I´m Lily Evans who´s always alright who´s life is always perfect…" What? You sensed some sarcasm in my reply? Figures…

"Honestly are you crying because of that little fall?"

"I´m not crying because I fell…and I do not cry!" I reply rather angry.

Potter immediately raises his hands in surrender: "Okay okay…whatever floats your boat…by the way, what are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

He sends me a very curious look out of his sincere and warm looking eyes and I feel the sudden need to tell him what just had happened…where did that thought come from??? I don´t know, but it was really creepy. I look up and see that both boys are still waiting for my answer and I decide that I´d rather go into defensive mode than pour out my aching heart.

"Well, I don´t know what you´re doing here, but I´m just on the way back to the common room."

With my head held high I storm in one direction I dearly hope was the right way…no such luck…

"Uhm, Evans? The common room wasn´t in the dungeons the last time I checked it. You didn´t get lost, did you?"

"I´m not lost! I´m just…uhm…slightly disorientated."

Sirius coughs in a very interesting way, almost sounding like a "Yeah, right!"

Then we all fall silent, ´cause honestly there is nothing left to say…sometimes I hate my pride…I could just ask them if they could show me the right way and this rather awkward moment would be over but why does it have to be so hard to admit to those two that I could need their help?

Well obviously, because I´m teachers pet and goodie-two-shoes Lily Evans who always told them off for being out of the common room after curfew. Well, life´s pure irony and everything you do will come back to you sooner or later and bite you in the…

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" There is a rat sitting right in front of my feet. James and Sirius look at me like I´m officially gone crazy.

"Don´t panic! It´s just Pe…uhm a little rat!" Outch…that kick Potter received to the shin looked rather hurtful. What had he wanted to say before Black kicked him? Anyway, I have far more serious problems like to make these boys realize in what danger we are currently in.

"Rats are full of disgusting germs and flees who used to transfuse dangerous communicable diseases like the black death…" Yeah, I know, I´m a wimp…

Potter chuckles: "Black death? Sounds like we have found a new nickname for Sirius. Maybe that´s the reason why so many girls fall for your charm…because they have infected themselves with this really seeeeeeeerious disease called "Black Death".

What the hell is wrong with me? I´m actually laughing about Potters pun…I need to hang out with more people again ´cause normally I wouldn´t laugh about such stupid jokes. Obviously Sirius doesn´t find this amusing at all…can´t blame him…he´s really cursed with his name and probably has to listen to equal stupid jokes all the time. Poor bloke. (A/N: I know what I´m talking about. I´ve been named after a month I´m not even born in.) Suddenly my laughter dies right in my throat. I hear someone hurriedly coming in our direction, followed by a familiar meow. Oh my god!

"Shoot, Filch and Mrs. Norris are coming this way!"

I´m in some kind of shock…I´ve never been in a situation like this and I honestly don´t know what to do. Fortunately I´m stuck in this with two professionals, so before I can go into hysterics or something even more embarrassing I feel someone grabbing my arm and dragging me down the dark corridor. We are running and running and I can´t see a thing, let alone see where we are. But there´s one thing worrying me even more than that: I can still hear Filch´s yelling…and it´s getting closer!

Of course this doesn´t go by unnoticed by the Marauders and I bump into James´ back, surprised because of the abrupt stop. I hear a door opening to my right and feel myself being pushed in. Now we are standing in a dark room, trying to control our heavy breathing that could give away our hiding place. Suddenly I hear rushed steps coming down the corridor. But as sudden as they´ve come, as soon they disappeared again. My eyes finally get used a little to the darkness and I can see the outlines of the two boys.

"Do you think he´s gone?" I whisper carefully.

I see Black rummaging through his pockets and finally pulling something white out of it. As he lights his wand I see what this is.

"A piece of parchment???"

The two boys share a look…and ignore me! Stupid gits. I hate to be ignored. Grrr.

Black studies the parchment very closely and seems to finally come to a conclusion.

"Okay, we´re safe!"

Sure, if Black was told by a parchment that we´re out of danger than of course I believe him…NOT! Mhm, Potter actually seems to believe him, ´cause he immediately goes to the door and…well he tries to open it. What is wrong with this boy? Sudden dizzy spell or what?

"We are locked in!"

Aaaaaah, why me??? We try everything from "Alohomora" to open the lock with one of my hairpins. To absolutely no avail. All of a sudden there seems to be another source of light than our illuminated wands. The full moon is shining brightly through the small window.

"Prongs!"

"Huh?"

"We need to get out…NOW!"

"Huh???"

"Arrrgh…THE MOON!"

Finally James seems to understand what Sirius is trying to tell him and I still have no idea what´s going on…and actually I don´t think I want to know. If those boys want to speak in riddles…well I´ll just let them. I look up to the window which nearly reaches the ceiling and admire the bright round moon. Such a romantic night…in which my boyfriend left me, I got dragged through the school and am now locked in a very creepy room with Potter and Black. So much to the romantic part. Abruptly it hit me.

"The window!"

"What?" Sirius and James look at me inquiring.

"We can get out through the window…well if we can manage to climb up there."

This is easier said than done. The window is like 12 feet above the floor, but fortunately there is a huge wooden shelf standing on the wall. James and I fold our hands to help Sirius climb up the shelf. Merlin, he´s heavier than he looks. But back to our attempt to escape. Finally Black reaches the top of the shelf and easily opens the window. Yihaaa! The boy is actually good for something. Oh! Someone cheered too soon. While Sirius struggles to get out of the small window he accidently pushes against the wooden shelf with his still in mid-air hanging feet. NO! The shelf turns over and Potter tries to push me out of the danger zone. Too late…

Ahhh…my head hurts like hell and my body feels so heavy as if it is pinned down to the floor. Slowly I open my eyes and have to realize that my body actually IS pinned down to the floor. I´m buried under a huge wooden shelf and on top of me lies no other than James Potter.

"Lily! Finally. You´re awake." James seems relieved.

"Don´t sound so happy about it," I groan.

Unconsciousness was so nicely free of pain.

"Is she alright?" I hear Sirius voice from somewhere above us. Seemingly he made it out of the window while we were buried under his foothold. How ironic. His safety was our doom.

"Think so. She just bumped her head on the floor." He shouted back which made my headache even worse.

"Okay, than I´ll go. Prongs, it´s past midnight already." I couldn´t help but hear the urgency in Black´s voice.

"Alright. You go…uhm…where we wanted to go and get help as soon as you can come back, okay Padfoot?"

All we get as a reply is silence. Great! I get the feeling that James knows how long we have to hold on until Sirius comes back. I look at him with the most annoyed expression I can muster.

"How long?"

"He won´t be back until dawn." James sends me some kind of apologetic look.

I want to cry, really hard…or maybe scream. Yeah screaming might even be better…but wait…no…my poor head would probably explode. Damn you Sirius Black for dragging me into this situation…damn you James Potter for just being as much of a victim as I am. James has probably seen my desperate expression and now fears for my sanity.

"Maybe we should take matters in our own hands. We could levitate this thing off of us."

If we weren´t already in this awkward "hug" I´d probably give him one. Thank heavens, one of us could still think clearly and remember that we in fact can do magic. There´s just one little problem left.

"Where´s my wand???" Wow, that was weird…we said that in unison.

James, who´s momentarily in a better position than me to search our wands looks around us. After a while he seems to be successful.

"I found yours. It´s lying very neatly and out of our reach on top of this table next to the door."

Is he honestly trying to lecture me for not always having my wand at hand? Who does he think he is? Our Professor in Defense Against The Dark Arts? Yes, I´m classifying this wooden shelf as an evil, very dark magic object.

"Well Mr. Always-On-Guard, tell me where´s yours?"

A blush is creeping up his cheeks. Hm, if I interpret this right, this means he has absolutely no idea. Haha…take this Head Boy wannabe! All of a sudden I can think about a place where his wand might be…

"Uhm, James? I found yours."

"Where is it?" James asks with a look curious in his eyes.

"I think I´m laying on it."

"We are so screwed!" James has a rather pained expression on his face and I just can´t fight my caring nature.

"Are you alright?"

"Well, while trying to save the damsel in distress from the evil wooden shelf I got knocked down by the enemy and currently there´s a very painful brink jabbing in my shoulder."

I smile at him apologetically…maybe it´s not so bad to be the one who lies on the cold stone floor…I should try to cheer him up a bit…

"I don´t know if it´s going to be a comfort for you, but I think I´m going to end up with a print of your wand on my back for at least a few days."

James chuckles while he shakes his head.

"You really are something Evans. Maybe it helps us to master the situation if we think about it like a romantic midnight date."

Was this supposed to cheer me up? I really don´t think so.

"So this is how you imagine a perfect date? Lying buried under a wooden shelf on top of a previously knocked out girl?"

"Why do you always have to bring me down?"

Oh my gosh. Is he actually pouting at me? How pathetic for a boy of his age…maybe with another girl it would have worked, but me? It only makes me angry.

"I don´t bring you down! That´s gravity…and this stupid huge, heavy shelf. And considering our present situation YOU ARE BRINGING ME DOWN." I accented every word with a prick to his chest that felt pretty heavy on my own.

He rolls his eyes. "You know what I mean."

Then we both fell silent…but this silence only lasted for a minute or so. Honestly isn´t it usually the way that the boy feels annoyed by a girl who can´t keep her mouth shut? We´re somehow in reversed roles here.

"Why were you crying earlier when we found you?" Great, leave it to James Potter to bring up painful subjects.

"That´s none of your business."

"I think it is…considering that we´ll be stuck in this mess a little longer I think I have to ensure your well-being, because after all you´re the only thing that keeps me from lying on the cold, hard floor." I glared at him so intense that my eyes started hurting.

"Okay, I´ll tell you. But I only do it because I hope you´ll finally stop bothering me."

James only grinned at me and waited patiently for my answer.

"Before I found you and Sirius my boyfriend just dumped me."

"What???" He looked at me, his hazel eyes filled with anger. "Why did he do that, that dumbass?"

I laughed, thinking about the irony of the next sentence that would come out of my mouth.

"Because of you." I waited, kind of excited to see his reaction, but his features were like petrified. So I just went on.

"Right from the beginning he didn´t like the stares you always gave me. After I assured him like a thousand times that there´s nothing to worry about I thought he finally understood that I really wanted to be with him, no matter which other boys had constantly there eyes on me, but well…seems like he couldn´t stand it anymore."

All the hurt I felt only twenty minutes ago suddenly came back. I took deep breaths. I wouldn´t cry in front, pardon me, beneath James Potter. Luckily he decided to break out of his mould just in time.

"Me looking at you made him leave you? This is really stupid. I´m not the only boy who looks at you. You´re awesome, and he, like every other boy, who has a pretty girlfriend needs to accept that other people could find their girl attractive as well."

Against all my struggeling, I couldn´t hold back the blush that was creeping across my face.

"It´s different with you."

He looked at me inquiring.

"Well, the other boys just take a glance, but you look at me like I´m the most precious thing on earth."

"But that is exactly what you are to me." His hazel eyes are boring into my own and I realize that this was probably the most honest thing he ever told me. Now I felt anger rising in me.

"You have absolutely no right to look at me like that, James Potter. That intimidates those people I´m with. And in the end they blame it on me, because they don´t believe that this thing between us, whatever it may be could only be one-sided."

Now I seemingly have found a sore spot

"So now I can´t even look at you? I fancied you since fourth year and you never gave me a chance. It drives me crazy that I can´t talk to you without getting yelled at and not being able to touch you, ´cause you would instantly hex me into next week if I do so. You can avoid me, so that I can´t talk to you. I won´t touch you, well, this situation does not count, ´cause I respect your decision not to give me a chance, even if it pains me in a way you´d never understand. But you can´t forbid me to look at you."

My oh my…I have to admit I´m a bit shocked…he never yelled at me before…he actually seems to finally notice that he really said those things that were probably brewing inside him for months, maybe even years…James looks kind of embarrassed. Maybe it´s my turn to say something

"No, I can´t forbid you to look at me, neither can I control the way you feel about me. Everything would be so much easier if you could just move on, find a nice girl who can give you the love you need."

"I don´t want to love another girl. You´re all I ever wanted. I wish I could just wipe away those feelings...believe me I tried for the last three years, but I just can´t get you out of my head. Your image is burned into my heart, your smell, your voice and it´s slowly killing me when I face the truth that I probably never will be with you. Why can´t you be the one?"

James´ expression melts my heart. His eyes so full of pain…I can´t believe that I can be the cause of such horrible feelings. I desperately hope my next few words won´t do much more damage, but I feel the need to finally tell him the truth. He deserves it after all.

"Because I never planned to be the one for anybody. It just scares me how you feel about me, even though I treated you so awfully all these years. I know with us two it wouldn´t be like my past relationships. It would be something serious, that probably would last for quite some time, but I don´t want something like that, ´cause even though everything could be amazing it wouldn´t have a future. I won´t get involved with a pureblood wizard."

James starred at me wide-eyed

"So, this is all about blood? I don´t care about your blood."

"James, I believe you, that you don´t care about our different ancestry but you´ll change your mind as soon as it gets serious…first…what will you tell your parents when they want to meet me?"

"They won´t care. They´re not like those pureblood fanatics."

"They won´t care as long as they think it´s just a phase you´re going through. If it´s really your intention to marry me someday you´ll endanger your whole family. They could get hurt, or even worse, you could get hurt. I would never forgive myself to be responsible for something I could have prevented by just taking the logical way."

"But Lily, love´s not about logic. You just can´t banish it out of your life. If every wizard and witch would think like you, than we couldn´t stand a chance in this war that is currently going on, because if we don´t dare to love anyone we also won´t fight for the ones we love and then there would be no more hope. Why bother to fight if there´s nobody in your life worth fighting for?"

I couldn´t help but feel defeated. There where no more reasons in my head that I could tell James, because suddenly all of them sounded just empty, ridiculous and childish. I realized that this boy, who I had known for more than six years was in fact not a boy anymore. James had become a young, thoughtful man with a very realistic view of the world. HE had grown up, and now it was my time to show my maturity by responding without screaming, without accusation or hurting his feelings.

"You´re right!"

James looks at me in disbelieve.

"Sorry, I didn´t catch that?"

I sighed: "I said you´re right."

He flashes me one of his infamous crooked grins.

"That was really hard for you to admit, wasn´t it?"

"Yeah, thanks for making me say it twice."

I shot him one of MY infamous glares, but this time it hadn´t quite the effect I was hoping for. Well, his stupid grin disappeared but changed into something far worse: He smiled at me in such a soft and loving way that made my usually steady human heartbeat change into flower bird mode. I hope you get the picture. I hate how he seems to be so relaxed while I´m wound up like that…but I can think about one little question that will make him just as jumpy as I´m feeling right now.

„Go out with me Potter?"

The rest they say is history.

_**Soooo…that´s it!**_

_**Congrats if you made it this far. ;-) **_

_**Currently I´m thinking about also writing about their rescue, but I´m not sure**__** if I shouldn´t just end it right here. What do you think?**_

_**Reviews are desperately wanted. =)**_


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